Almost twenty years ago, when we were brand-new parents and my husband and I were just finding our footing as a young family, we came across a simple idea in one of the many books stacked on our nightstand. I wish I could remember which book it was so I could thank the author.

The suggestion was wonderfully simple: Start writing down words.

Not sentences. Not goals. Not a polished family mission statement.

Just…words.

Words that matter to your family. Words that describe the type of family you hope to become. (This was particularly helpful for me, as a new mother getting by on little sleep!)

Words that reflect your deepest values, your faith, your priorities, and the atmosphere you want to create within the walls of your home.

So I grabbed a piece of paper and began writing.

Recently, while sorting through old papers, I stumbled across that list again. The paper is nearly twenty years old now, a little worn around the edges, but reading those words felt like opening a tiny time capsule from our younger selves.

It reminded me of who we hoped to become before we knew exactly how to get there.

Here are some of the words that filled that page:

Faith. Reverence. Loyalty. Thoughtfulness. Diligence. Courtesy. Wonder. Hopeful. Loving. Steadfast. Attention. Honor. Presence. Trustworthiness. Warmth. Togetherness. Rhythms. Habits. Routines. Patience. Balanced. Devoted. Faithful. Rituals. Traditions. Security. Integrity. Kindness. Truthful. Supportive. Joyful. Comforting. Sanctuary. Compassionate. Learning. Growth. Generous. Gratitude.  

Looking back, I can almost hear the hopes of our younger selves hidden inside those words.

We wanted our children to feel secure.

We wanted our home to be peaceful.

We wanted our family to laugh often, learn continually, love deeply, and serve generously.

We wanted faith to be woven into ordinary Tuesdays just as much as holidays and Sundays.

We wanted our home to be a sanctuary, a place where everyone felt seen and known.

At the time, those words weren’t a finished plan.

They were seeds.

Over the years, they quietly grew into conversations about our family values. They helped us write a family mission statement. They guided many of the decisions we made about our rhythms, traditions, and priorities.

Stephen Covey often talked about identifying your “big rocks”, the most important things that deserve to go into your life first. Those words helped us discover our own big rocks.

Faith.

Family.

Meaningful work.

Service.

Learning.

Love.

When you know what matters most, it becomes a little easier to say yes to the things that support those priorities and no to the things that distract from them.

Of course, we haven’t lived these words perfectly. Not even close.

Families are wonderfully imperfect places. We all have days when patience runs thin, schedules become chaotic, and we forget the very values we’re trying to cultivate.

But that’s the beautiful thing about having a list like this.

It isn’t there to make you feel guilty.

It’s there to gently call you home.

When life feels rushed or scattered, you can glance at those words and remember who you’re trying to become.

You don’t have to become all of those things today.

You simply take one small step.

Maybe today looks like choosing kindness and engaging in an act of service.

Tomorrow it might be practicing gratitude.

Next week it might mean protecting family dinner or transitioning to a new bedtime routine as your children get older.

Little by little, those words begin to shape the culture of your home.

And here’s something we’ve learned after all these years: children may not remember every lecture we give them, but they do remember the atmosphere we create.

They remember whether home felt warm.

Whether people listened.

Whether forgiveness was practiced.

Whether joy was welcomed.

Whether they belonged.

Looking at my old list today, I realize it was never really about finding the perfect words.

It was about becoming the kind of people who lived them.

So here’s a little invitation if this idea speaks to you.

Grab a notebook, a sticky note, the back of an envelope, or even your phone.

Set a timer for five or ten minutes.

Then simply begin writing.

Don’t overthink it.

Write the words that make your heart whisper, Yes…that’s the kind of family I hope we’re becoming.

Maybe your list will include words like grace, laughter, hospitality, courage, curiosity, adventure, gentleness, resilience, patience, generosity, faithfulness, creativity, wonder, or peace.

There are no wrong answers.

Just honest hopes.

You may tuck the list away and forget about it for years like I did.

And someday, when you stumble across it again, you’ll discover that those little words were quietly shaping your family all along.

Sometimes the smallest beginnings grow into the richest legacies.

Perhaps a single page of carefully chosen words is one of them.

Final Thoughts

You may not be ready to write a full family mission statement today, and that’s perfectly okay. Every meaningful journey has a beginning, and sometimes it starts with something as simple as a handful of words.

Grab a notebook, a scrap of paper, or even the notes app on your phone, and begin writing the words that make your heart say, ‘Yes, this is what I want our family to be known for’. Don’t worry about putting them in order or making them sound impressive. Just let them come.

Over time, those words can help you discover your family’s values, clarify your priorities, and reveal the purpose that will guide your days. Eventually, they may grow into a family mission statement, but even if they don’t, they’ll serve as a gentle compass, pointing your family toward the life you’re hoping to build.

A life filled with love, intention, and the little everyday moments that become a beautiful legacy!