Not long after our first child was born, we were meeting with someone who was helping guide us in caring for him. During one of our conversations, they smiled and asked, “Is he a good baby?” At the time, I smiled and answered, “Yes,” because it seemed like the natural response. I don’t believe there was any ill intent behind the question. In fact, it’s a question most new parents have probably heard. But as the years have passed, I’ve found myself thinking about it more and more.

What makes a baby “good”?

Is it sleeping through the night? Rarely crying? Being content to sit quietly? Taking a bottle/nursing without fuss? Meeting milestones on a certain timetable?

If those things make a baby “good,” then what does that say about the baby who struggles?

The one with reflux who cries because eating hurts. The one with a sensitive tummy who can’t seem to get comfortable. The baby with colic who spends hours each evening crying, leaving exhausted parents wondering if they’re doing something wrong. The baby born prematurely who needs extra care. The baby with developmental differences who reaches milestones on a different timeline. The baby with a medical condition that makes everyday life a little more complicated.

None of those babies are bad. They’re simply babies with different needs.

.………………….

Looking back, I don’t think I’ll ever hear that question the same way again. If someone were to ask me today whether my baby is a “good baby,” I think I’d smile and answer, “He’s a wonderful baby!”

Because every baby is. Babies aren’t good because they’re easy.

They’re good because they’re babies, beautifully and uniquely made, deserving of love, patience, and compassion from the very beginning.

As parents, it’s easy to feel like our children are constantly being measured. Are they sleeping enough? Eating enough? Talking soon enough? Walking early enough? Reaching every milestone exactly when the books say they should?

But children aren’t checklists.

Milestones are helpful tools for understanding a child’s development, but they were never meant to become a measure of a child’s worth. Every child grows at their own pace. Some reach milestones earlier, some later, and some follow a different developmental path altogether.

A child who doesn’t meet a milestone on the expected timeline isn’t a “bad baby.” A child with a developmental disability isn’t a “bad baby.” A child with autism, Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, or another diagnosis isn’t somehow less wonderful because their journey looks different. They are simply children with unique strengths, challenges, and needs.

I sometimes wonder if we’ve created a culture of parenting that leaves very little room for ordinary childhood, or for difference. It can feel as though every baby is expected to sleep perfectly, eat perfectly, behave perfectly at all times (even though fully grown adults are incapable of this), and develop on a perfectly predictable timeline. And if they don’t, parents often feel pressure to search for what they’re doing wrong.

That’s a heavy burden to place on families.

The truth is, there has never been a perfect baby because babies were never meant to be perfect. They were meant to grow. They were meant to learn. They were meant to need the adults who love them.

Some children will need a little more time. Some will need additional support. Some will receive diagnoses that change the path their family expected. None of those things diminish their value.

A child’s worth has never been determined by how quickly they walk, how many words they can say, or whether they fit neatly into someone else’s idea of “normal.”

Every child deserves to be celebrated, not for meeting our expectations, but simply because they are wonderfully made themselves.

There is another side to this conversation that has become increasingly important to me over the years.

Some children need extra support. They may need speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, or other services. They may have a disability, a genetic condition, or a medical diagnosis that changes the way they grow and learn. Those supports don’t exist because a child is “bad.” They exist because every child deserves the opportunity to thrive.

Needing additional help isn’t a character flaw. It’s simply part of that child’s unique story. Yet I still hear language that troubles me. Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes it’s spoken without much thought. Occasionally it even comes from people who work with children or who have experience caring for them.

When we describe babies and young children as “good” or “bad,” we risk attaching moral value to things that have nothing to do with character. A baby who cries often isn’t bad. A toddler with a speech delay isn’t bad. A child with sensory differences isn’t bad. A preschooler who needs extra support regulating emotions isn’t bad.

They’re children. They’re learning, growing, communicating, and navigating the world with the abilities and challenges they have.

Words matter because children eventually grow old enough to hear them. Parents hear them long before that. Labels have a way of lingering, and they can shape expectations in ways we don’t intend.

Imagine how different our conversations might be if we stopped asking whether a baby is “good” and started asking how we can support them instead. What if, instead of focusing on whether a child is easy or difficult, we became curious about what they need? What if we recognized that development isn’t a race and that different doesn’t mean less?

What if we chose words that reflected dignity instead of judgment?

Perhaps one of the simplest changes we can make is also one of the most meaningful: taking “good” and “bad” out of the conversation when we’re talking about babies and young children.

Every baby deserves to begin life without carrying labels they never earned.

Every child deserves to be seen first as a person, someone created with immeasurable worth, deserving of compassion, encouragement, and love!