(We purchased our hot cross buns from a previously used bakery, instead of making them, this year. They did not disappoint!)
Greetings friends! I hope you all had a wonderful Easter break and were able to spend some time with those you hold most dear! It has been a while since I last posted. Thank you to those still following along. You all have been so kind and encouraging to our family. Today, I want to briefly share more about our absence, why we have not been sharing, and the intention going forward.
(Easter tree 2025)
As many of you are aware, our son became seriously ill several years ago. He ended up requiring two major surgeries, months of IV treatment, and twice daily shots, amongst other unpleasantries. I think any parent would gladly sacrifice everything they have to take their child’s place during such a grievous time. Children truly are a mother’s heart, and it is during such times of convalescence that one is reminded of how treasured these little ones are. It was often nearly unbearable to watch his suffering. However, our son handled it bravely and was incredibly courageous. I am convinced he now considers himself to be nearly invincible. And as the mother of a teenage boy, I am routinely called to my duty to gently remind him that he is indeed not indestructible, ha!
Our son is now in high school. We could not be more grateful for the excellent education he is receiving from an amazing institution of truly excellent mentors! He is happy, healthy, and doing very well. We are incredibly proud of the kind, just, and honorable young man that he is becoming.
However, after experiencing privacy issues, we are asking others to please not share photos, videos, or personal/private/identifying information regarding our children, without our consent. We believe this request is necessary because our family started being harassed while our son was ill. It took over a year and a half to realize that what we were experiencing was harassment, because it did not start out with threats. It simply began with texts messages from someone claiming to be an epileptic teen receiving treatment at the same facility as our child. (After consulting a helpful guide, I now understand that this confusion is quite common, with victims coming to authorities in distress, explaining that what they are experiencing is making them ‘agitated’, ‘annoyed’ and ‘stressed’, when in reality what they are experiencing is indeed harassment.)
At the time the texts began, I honestly did not think much of them. I recall saying to my husband, ‘oh, that’s a funny coincidence’, because I am extremely careful about who I give my personal information to. But I was focused on our son and his recovery. Additionally, I genuinely do not believe it would occur to most parents that their family would start being harassed while their child is suffering from a serious illness. I expected the regular check-in texts from friends and family regarding our son’s condition, but certainly not harassing ones. I simply kept going forward, focused on helping our son rebuild his strength and returning to normal life. Yet, I continued to regularly receive texts from this person, which shifted to phishing for information about our family. After several months of texts, and strange calls, I became concerned. I began blocking numbers. I’m not tech savvy, so my husband taught me how to set my phone so that only calls and texts from our personal contacts can come through.
Shortly after these texts began, I started receiving links to sexually explicit videos, which I quickly blocked. I also began regularly receiving requests from fake profiles on my social media accounts. These profiles contained degrading material, clearly meant to provoke women, such as one stating they would ‘buy alcohol, appetizers, and hotel rooms’ for the women in his ‘harem’, followed by a list of 40 women’s names, which included mine. Again, these were not ‘threats’, but they were unwanted and persistent, and after several strange comments and a mention of our children, I became more alarmed and concerned.
When I made our children’s photos on social media private, the requests from fake profiles doubled. When I changed my friend request requirements, the fake accounts began requesting our church friends in order to send requests. The most recent fake account stated, ‘All that I do is win, win, win. I am going to win, no matter what’. I am not certain what ‘winning no matter what’ entails. But I do have faith, and say prayers and blessings over our children each night before bed. I know that between God and my husband and I, we will do everything in our power to keep these little ones safe! Unfortunately, at this time, I am not able to have social media without being harassed, so I only activate my accounts when necessary and then close them immediately afterwards. Therefore, you will not be able to find me on any social media platform.
After explaining more (which I do not wish to inflict upon you all here) to a trusted adviser, who is studying for an advanced degree in psychology, and with extensive knowledge of these types of situations, we both became convinced that these communications are connected. This has been going on for almost five years now and for the first two years, I truly believe that I went out of my way to be nice. I believe I am a kind person at heart, but being a female in our culture, women are conditioned to ‘be nice’, even when our God given intuition tells us that something is not right. And after years of attempting to ‘be nice’, I am convinced that you simply cannot ‘out nice’ a harasser. The harasser seeks a reaction out of you. That is why they do what they do. They are the bully with the magnifying glass. They select someone, for whatever reason, and then precede to pick them apart. No one will ever be ‘good enough’ or ‘kind enough’ to appease them. It is impossible! So be nice, but have very firm boundaries too, friends. And remember to block, report, and document whenever possible!
I have addressed this person directly and asked them to please stop all contact. They proceeded to create a fake account, mocking my name, by including the word ‘Nothin’ in the place of my middle name. But my friend instructed me to address the person once, and then to never again address the harasser directly afterwards, because your reactions are what feed them. Instead, she recommends obtaining a log book for documentation. There have been some concerning incidents outside of the virtual/online world too, and if those happen, they get added to the logbook as well.
We have also installed a security system around our home, and I’m planning to take self defense classes, which came highly recommend by my trusted adviser! She also recommends never giving your personal cell phone number to anyone that is not a close, trusted confidant. For the dentist, doctor, job application, or any other type of office paperwork, she highly recommends using Google Voice as an alternative to offering a personal cell phone number. Basically, if a person you encounter is not someone that you know well and trust, they do not need access to your private information, such as your cell phone number. Additionally, she recommends using a service, such as Delete Me, that removes personal information, including your address, phone number, and email accounts, from the internet.
After much thought and prayer, we feel confident in our decision to remove images of our children from the internet and to be more vigilant about guarding their privacy. As a mother, it still makes me physically ill to think that I had been sharing photos and personal information about our children, while whoever is doing this was out there watching.
I had numerous posts, projects, and resources written, with plans to share them with you all. Unfortunately, these were created along with our children in such a way that I am no longer comfortable sharing them. Thus, I will basically be starting from scratch, this time without sharing photos revealing the identities of our children. Still, I have a variety of simple and fun projects planned for this spring and summer. So, I ask that you be patient as I begin sharing our journey once again, if you still wish to follow along.
While it can be disheartening to think there are such people in this world, I know there is also truth, goodness, and beauty. With so much division, too many seem to only be able to feel good about themselves, while putting others down, which can make the world appear incredibly glum. Why someone would be more compelled to criticize and destroy, rather than create, to start fires and stir up discord, rather than put fires out, I will never be able to comprehend. But I wish to share here once again because I want to be someone who creates. I want to be an encourager, rather than a discourager, someone who seeks to build an intentional and beautiful life, with a future that is full of hope for our children, and not despair.
I will leave you with the promise of posts to come, which will undoubtedly include tea recommendations, May Day baskets, and bountiful book recommendations, with more meant to inspire soon to follow!
Thank you for stopping by, friends!
Blessings,
Bea
(My current poetry book. I enjoy Malcolm Guite, and am reading one poem a day, during morning time.)